I know I already kinda reviewed this, but Lauren inspired me to do it again.
So here I go!
Full length review!



The movie opens with some gay ass dream in a field of flowers, where we see Bella on one side and apparently Bella's grandma on the other side. Next Edward creeps into the field, staring at Bella, just like a fucking rapist would. Bella sees him going out into the sun, (which makes vampires sparkle) and she goes "Edward don't she'll see you" in a monotonous voice. I'd like to comment on something in a stereotypical fashion. That grandma looked old a fuck, and if I know people that old, their senses aren't that good. And seeing as I couldn't see Edward sparkling without my glasses I'm pretty sure that old lady wouldn't see it from 100 feet away. But apparently Bella's grandma has supernatural old people senses, and can see the tiny little sparkles from that distance. But in that case, she would've definitely heard Bella say "EDWARD DON'T SHE'LL SEE YOU" and would have become suspicious.

However her Grandma doesn't seem to respond. So that's good. She didn't see shit. The grandma then walks towards Bella in perfect sync, but Bella doesn't seem to notice. She tries to talk to Granny, and soon realizes it's her reflection. Edward is still young looking, and kisses the old lady. It's gonna take forever to get that dust off his lips.

Then she wakes up from her spooky nightmare that left her heart pounding and it's her birthday. THE IRONY! Her Dad gives her a gift and she says "I thought we agreed no presents." WHY would you agree no presents? What kind of girl convinces her father to give her nothing? Maybe this is the work of Stephanie Meyer trying to convince us that Bella's selfless. Yeah. Selfless characters shouldn't be made, nor should they try to be described through action. It just annoys me. Bella's like Tohru Honda, except monotonous and.. god, I don't even know how to explain her. All I can say is Mary Sue. But everyone knows she's a Mary Sue.
Anyway, her Dad teases her about getting old fast,(which would usually be said as 'Growing up fast' but her Father appears to be a douche for these few seconds. Or maybe he can see dreams. Bella then denies that she's getting old and goes to school. By the way, her Dad's one good looking mid 40s guy. Why didn't Bella get that gene?

Anyway Bella goes to school and they all take a picture. Bella continues her monotonous ways even while with her friends. They take a gay picture and make stupid comments. Then they see Edward Cullen and all frown. I would too. What the fuck's up with that hair? He walks over very slowly like a lifeguard, as cool music plays. I'm only a little bit surprised that Bella didn't get annoyed watching him walking slowly over, because she's apathetic and spaced out all the time. She doesn't even look happy to see him. B| They aren't a very affectionate couple. Where's the hand holding? True love my ass.
Edward is smiling while talking to her the whole time. At least he's got some lovin' in him. All Bella does is bitch about how she's getting old, then Edward comments that he's way older, and she cleverly replies, "Maybe I shouldn't be dating such an old man. It's gross." If I was Edward, I would have slapped her across the face. Twice.
1. For being a pessimistic bitch and not holding my hand
2. For calling me a gross old man.

No one 'disses me. Even if I were a sparkling vampire with crazy hair and terrible taste in women. Anyway, they make out in the parking lot of the school. Meanwhile, Twilight fans are masturbating. Edward then with his mind reading abilities hears Jacob's thoughts as Jacob walks toward them. Must be disturbing to read minds. Jacob was probably thinking about humping Bella's leg. Anyway he walks over, doing a little sexy man jig quickly. At least he didn't walk over slowly with a fan set in front of him to emphasize his beauty.

"Hello, biceps!" Bella says. Quit talking to body parts, Bella. I'd like to mention that this is one of the only parts in the movie where Bella's tone changes to a more energetic one. Funny how she didn't show even that little sliver of enthusiasm with her Vampire Boyfriend, but she does with Wolf boy. Whore.

Moving on, she comments on how steroids are bad for you. But you know, so is making out with vampires. Very dangerous. Not to mention vampires are reanimated CORPSES. NECROPHILIAC WHORE. Jacob replies that she wouldn't have seen such a drastic change if they'd seen each other more often. Blah blah blah, happy birthday, here's a dream catcher. Bella accepts it apathetically.

Later the class watches Romeo and Juliet, and the sympathetic kids of the class are crying, whereas Edward and Bella are not because they are obviously the most insensitive faggots on the planet (hyperbole). It really makes you wonder how people can see such an apathetic bitch as selfless, proving further that Bella's personality does not make sense at all. Edward and Bella proceed to analyze the movie like they're intelligent and above all others. Then Edward mentions he'd kill himself if Bella died as well. He says he'd go to the Volturi or whatever the fuck it is. I'm just gonna call them the Faggots.

"VOLTURI OR WHATEVER" = THE FAGGOTS

Alice, the only vampire I actually like, comes in and gives Bella a present, and Bella doesn't want it. Rude bitch. D:< Jasper controls her mood to make her accept it. And then a few seconds after she does Bella whines "No fair with the mood control!" That doesn't seem to be a proper sentence at all. Learn to speak, Bella. Jasper's mood control power by the way wasn't mentioned at all in the previous movie. Continuity! Then Edward talks about The Faggots again.
He talks for the whole fucking day about how The Faggots are their policemen basically, and they kill bad vampires. Though, all vampires are basically bad, aren't they? Then the vampires have a little birthday party for Bella which isn't very big. They have a cake and everything, but no one eats it because they're Vampires and Bella doesn't want to look fat eating sweets. Then she tries to open a present, and because she's unbelievably( and I do mean unbelievable) klutzy she manages to get a paper cut from wrapping paper. How do you get a paper cut when you're opening presents that slowly anyway? Also Bella apparently bleeds really fast, because the blood from her little paper cut drips to the carpet in a matter of seconds. Or maybe her body is packed with endless amounts of blood like an anime character. Silly Bella, trying to be an anime character. Jasper freaks out and run towards her just wanting to taste that tasty blood. Edward then shoves Bella against some glass (smooth move, faggot) and pushes Jasper or something. Not a very good fight scene. And it's also in slow motion, which makes it even lamer.
Alice tells Jasper that it's just a little blood, but then all the vampires look over to Bella, who is now bleeding immensely thanks to Edwards awesome rescue move. All the vampires suddenly look at her like a tasty slice of cheesecake. Yum. Carlisle then rushes over and gets them to stop eyeing her like a delicious slice of cheesecake and pulls glass from her arm as they chat.

Later, Edward finally makes the smart decision and leaves the apathetic mary sue, with the excuse that she doesn't belong in his world. Owned. I'd do it too. P: He leaves, Bella starts breathing heavily and squeezing her eyes shut like she's giving birth. Or maybe masturbating. Then she curls up in the grass and sleeps there wishing she would die. Yeah, he broke up with her in the middle of a forest. Not sure why. Then a shirtless guy with a toned body picks up her unconscious body, violates her, (hey, it might've happened) and takes her home. After she's home, she apparently spends 2 months staring out a window. At night she screams bloody murder, but we never see her cry. Da fuck is this angsty emo shit, and what the hell is she dreaming about? It's always scaring her Dad. I don't blame him. After two months he tells her to get out of his house. (aka "Move back to pheonix.") She says she likes Forks, and Dad tells her Edward's not coming back. A few snores later, Bella goes out with some random chick to go shopping, and the random chick won't shut up. I think her name was Jessica. So let's call her that. Bella sees the rapists from the first movie, and goes over to I guess have a one night stand. As they ride the motorcycle to the rapist's house, Bella hallucinates Edward standing in front of the motorcycle, flips out and leaves.

As she walks back to Jessica she monotonously says "That was such a rush." Yeah. She sounds very excited. Also she hallucinates when she does something dangerous, so she wants to do crazy things so she can "see" Edward.

Later she brings motorcycles from the junk yard and works on them with Jacob, and he shows his super strength by carrying them with no problem. I'd honestly be more impressed if he lifted the car though. B|
They begin fixing them, and build their boring and monotonous relationship. Jacob tells about a gang that a guy named Sam runs, where the theme is shirtless men with black shorts and waxed chests. Also they jump off cliffs for fun. A few snores later, Bella gets out of her depression, and goes with Mike and Jacob to see a movie called Face Punch. Who the fuck wrote this? That sounds like another crappy movie from the Scary Movie franchise. The dialogue we hear is pretty funny though. A little. I at least hope it's not supposed to be taken seriously.

Mike, who is actually a pretty nice guy, runs out of the theatre wanting to throw up from the apparent gore. Jacob comments on how unmanly Mike is, and how men should be tough. It's then I realize how shallow Jacob, and Stephenie Meyer are. Then Jacob says that he would never hurt Bella. Bella doesn't seem to be phased, as she is still apathetic. Wait. That's not from depression. SHE'S ALWAYS LIKE THAT. Then Mike comes over and says he should go home because he has a fever. Jacob starts pmsing, and wants to beat the shit out of Mike for whatever reason. Is it because he's not muscular enough?

Ironically right after he said he wouldn't hurt Bella, Jacob gets all angry, leaves and joins a gang of wolves, cuts his hair, and tells Bella to fuck off. (Hey, I'd do it.) Bella then wants to go to her favorite meadow where in the previous movie Edward and she lied down and stared blankly at each other for hours. Affectionate moment. But she finds that it is all dead grass, and there's a vampire with a Whoopie Goldberg hairstyle telling her how much Edward doesn't love her. Then he wants to eat her. But then some huge wolves come out of the forest and growl at the vampire, then chase him. Bella then runs home and shouts to her dad about giant wolves like she's going senile, and her Dad tells her to go to her room or some shit and that they'll take care of it. But you know that after she's been screaming in her sleep for two months the guy already thinks she's losing her mind.

MAYBE SHE GOT OLD TOO FAST. HURR HURR

Anyway, after Jacob climbs into her window and tells her he has a secret that he won't tell her, she dreams of wolves, which she should've remembered. Because in the previous movie Jacob told Bella that his clan members were descendants of wolves. BIG HINT RIGHT THERE. But of course the dumb bitch has a terrible memory and also doesn't give a shit about Jacob. After her dream she goes to his house and finds him sleeping. After that she sees a group of shirtless men with waxed chests walking together in unison towards the house. She runs at them screaming and asking what they did to him. They get angry and start asking weird questions like "What did he tell you, what'd he do? >:c What did we do?" You'd think full grown men would be less childish and stupid. Bella yells "He's scared of you!" And then the shirtless men laugh. She randomly slaps one of them like a pimp. Then you get to see more terrible acting yaay! The one she slaps, Paul, does the lamest attempt at an angry face that I've ever seen in a movie, and flails for a second, then turns into a snarling giant wolf! What a surprise. We who did not watch the spoiling trailer are all shocked! But not really. Everyone saw that coming. 'Cept Bella. Cause she's a dumb bitch. She then runs away very quickly from the wolf, as the angry wolf for whatever reason trots toward her in some kind of drunken stupor or something. He walks very oddly. Not to mention HE'S WALKING. Why didn't he just dash and rip her head off like a giant wolf would? Anyway, Jacob runs to her rescue and also turns into a giant wolf. For whatever reason, another shirtless man behind Paul is holding his fist up and just standing there, like a statue or something. Maybe he's gonna throw rocks.

To see the wolf fight scene and lame angry face, click here. [link]
While they fight, cliche action music that sounds like it's from the fifties plays in the background, and the wolves break a random boat. Sam, the leader of the wolf pack, tells the younger wolves to take Bella back to Emily's place. Cleverly, one young member says "Guess the wolf's out of the bag." Hahaha! Instead of a cat because they're wolves. They go to Emily's place, and the wolves tell Bella not to stare. AT WHAT?! Well you find out soon enough, Emily has a very noticable scar on her face, that she got from Sam, her fiance. Can you say "wife beater?" Well apparently she got it when she pissed him off and got scratched while Sam was transforming. I'm not even sure why she stayed with him if he could kill her. Her scar kind of reminds me of two-face. On that note, wouldn't a wound from a werewolf turn her into a werewolf as well? She's not important so we'll never know. Anyway the least I can say about this scene is the wolves are much more energetic to what Bella's used to. Apathetic vampires. Emily says "So, you're the vampire girl." to Bella, and Bella says "Yeah, you're the wolf girl?" Like she's heard of her or something. But she didn't hear about her at all up until that day so whatever. Stupid Bella trying to be cool. After a small comment about Wolves being faster than vampires, Bella has some muffins with the boys, and then Jacob and Paul walk in being all playful towards each other. Paul sits down and just says sorry to Bella, like he bumped into her or something, not like he just tried to kill her.

Jacob has a talk with her about why they can't be together. Oh, is it because she doesn't belong in your world, Jacob? Then he talks about how they killed Count Whoopie Goldberg, and that Victoria was next. Jacob leaves and Bella starts screaming in her sleep again or some shit. The next thing we see is a chase in slow motion between wolves and one vampire. It's very boring. The only real thing that happens is one old wolf is attacked by Victoria and has a heart attack. And dies.

It was Kira. B|

Then Bella jumps off a cliff and into the water for a rush. She didn't realize that the waves were really rough on the bottom, which you'd have to be a WEREWOLF to survive. Stupid Bella. She passes out on the beach and Jacob gives her super sexy CPR. Of course, he's shirtless while he does it.

A bunch of boring dialogue later, Jacob takes Bella home and smells a vampire in the house. Bella notices that the Cullen's car is here, but Jacob still doesn't want her to go. She does anyway, and she finds Alice. This is the second time her tone changes to a slightly positive one and it's still not because of her boyfriend Edward. She hugs Alice and Alice freaks out asking how she's alive, because she saw in one of her visions that Bella jumped off a cliff. She then explains to Alice that she was cliff diving, and very unconvincingly says "It was fun." After very little emotion from Bella again, Alice says "What is that God awful wet dog smell?" while grimacing. Jacob then enters the room as if to say, "IT'S ME. BD -twinkle-" Alice gets angry at Jacob for blocking her vision of him saving Bella because he's a werewolf, and completely avoids thanking the guy for saving her. Jacobs hormones kick in as he tries to flaunt his canine balls by saying "DON'T GET ME UPSET."

Let's stop here for a second. The werewolves protect the land from vampires and kill any vampire that threatens the land. So where the fuck were they in the first movie when innocent people were getting killed by James, Victoria and Whoopie Goldberg? -- The Cullens are vegetarian vampires, which doesn't serve as a very good term since the Cullens eat nothing but animals. They just don't eat humans. But anyway the Cullens made a treaty with the uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I can't remember their tribe's name so lets call them the Dogi tribe. A long time ago so they should be at peace with each other. Yet they hate each other because they are different.

STOP PROMOTING RACISM, YOU BASTARDS.

Back to the crappy story, the phone rings. Bella wants to answer it but Jacob does. Edward's calling asking for Charlie. (Bella's Dad.) Jacob tells Edward that Charlie is planning a funeral, and hangs up. Edward had been previously told by Rosalie that Bella jumped off a cliff so Alice went to go check on her, and hearing that a funeral is being planned, proceeds to crush a perfectly good cellphone.

Meanwhile, Bella has a minimal reaction to hearing Alice say that Edward is going to provoke The Faggots and get himself killed. They steal a car and go to Italy, where an Anti-vampire convention is being held near a castle. Because you know they have those all the time out in the open in this day and age. Inside the castle, our protagonist is about to take off his shirt. Edward is going to make a scene to the vampire hunters by showing them his sparkly skin in the sun. His chest, by the way, looks nasty, pale and pastey. After dashing through a huge crowd of Italians, Bella finally reaches Edward and glomps him, breathing heavily and telling him to open his eyes. For some reason Edward has a hard time doing it. Maybe he's sleepy. He eventually opens them, and has really not much of a reaction to Bella standing inf ront of him and being alive. They love each other so much. They do kiss emotionlessly, though. And then The Faggots strut into the scene, saying the king wants to see Edward or whatever. Edward's like "Odassokay. I don't want to kill myself anymore." The Faggots don't give a shit, and so Bella, Alice, and Edward go along with the red eyed Faggots. As they walk there they pass an italian woman who stands up and says "Welcome" in italian or something along those lines, and since the castle is full of Vampires Bella asks Edward the mind reader if she's human. Edward says yes, and we learn that she knows about the vampires and that she wants to become one. The Faggots reply that she'll be their dessert. I'm not sure why this girl was a big deal. I guess to show that The Faggots are assholes, but most of everyone could kind of guess that anyway, since they're vampires and not "vegetarian" vampires.

They go in and some guy stands up from a throne and starts holding Edward's hands and poking them with his finger. This is apparently how he reads minds, and he learns all he needs to. He comments on how he loves Bella so much but he finds her so delicious. The king himself agrees. I bet Bella smells like cheesecake to them. Anyway, we find out that Bella is immune to all vampire powers (excluding super strength and blood sucking and vampire aids) which is really stupid since she's a human and she shouldn't be able to do that D:<. The girl Jane who has the power to hurt people with their mind confidently tries, saying "This might hurt just a little." Bella stands there waiting to feel something. After a few minutes of staring at Bella, Jane realizes her powers don't work, and looks away embarrassed. and then the other two kings in the chairs think she knows too much so they try to kill her. A very boring slow motion action scene breaks out, and then when Edward's neck is about to be snapped, Bella starts touching herself (her hair but same thing.) and screams like the angsty lesbian she is. Then she says "Kill me kill me" in one of her better acting scenes. The vampires don't do it just yet, they have to talk some more. Then when they slowly walk over to do it, Alice says "WAIT, BELLA WILL BECOME A VAMPIRE. I'VE SEEN IT." As we all know, Alice can see the future. But a subjective future based on someone's thoughts. So basically she can only read minds. B| But let's believe her since she did see Bella jump off a cliff.

Aro, the king guy, holds Alice's hands and sees the future too, which is very stupid looking. Like everything else in this movie it's in fucking slow motion. We see Edward running in slow motion like a life guard, and then Bella comes in from the side, running with him. She looks high while running. It all looks very stupid.

Aro talks some more and says they have to convert her or else the Faggots will go after the Cullens again. Edward still doesn't want to, because obviously he doesn't want to deal with Bella for eternity. Can you blame him? Anyway Jacob hears about it and reminds Edward that they can't bite anyone while on the land or the treaty is broken. Bella whines about it, then tells Jacob that she loves him, but Edward is more important. Jacob is sad now.

"GET REJECTED! (Like a boss)"

Edward tells him goodbye, but Jacob replies "You don't speak for her!" Though Bella would have said goodbye anyway so I don't see how it really matters. Jacob's just being a baby. Or should I say "Bitch"? Hurr hurr, He attacks Edward, and Edward just throws him back, which makes Jacob turn into a wolf and run at him. Bella stands between them, not even letting us seeing a second of Werewolf vs Vampire action. Bella's such a buzz kill. Anyway Jacob runs away, and Edward says he'll convert Bella only if she does one thing for him. "Marry me." Oh yeah, that's something she wouldn't do anyway. But maybe it was a threat to her because of the belief that marriage ruins love. But you know that Bella's gonna accept. Monotonously. So what happens next? Bella wets her pants and the movie ends.


So the only progress we actually make in this full length film is this:
We find out Jacob's a wolf
2 insignificant people die
Bella learns stuff

That's it. That's all that actually happens.

The End!

I was doing a test today.

You have to fill in the bubbles with dark circles to make sure the machine that scans it can see it. But you can't go outside of the bubble because you can't make stray marks. If you make any stray marks on the other bubbles the machine will think you answered more than one question and count it wrong.

So... why is it that it'd sense when you made stray marks on something you didn't want to answer, and it would not sense an answer on the one you do want to answer unless you fill it in darkly? Why can't we just put a little line or dot on the one we do want to answer?

I dunno, that machine is just a douche.

HEY, I SHOULD'VE PUT THIS UP WAAAY SOONER, BUT I WAS HAVING WAY TOO MUCH HAPPINESS. lol

I finally met my boyfriend Jordan on Thursday, December 3rd, 2009.

Jordan and I had plans to meet at Olive Garden to have a dinner.. on November 30th. We had been anticipating it for a long while. And Jordan's Mom kept moving the date around, making me frequently upset. Finally, it was decided that we'd meet that thursday. But once the date was set in stone, on Wednesday morning, my Mom had a nightmare that I would be hurt by these people.

She warned me that they could be predators, specifically doing something called White slavery. The "methods" they were using seemed very similar, she said, to white slave operations. The constant change of date, that is, to make a victim more desperate.

So my Mom called up my Uncle who is a cop, a guy we haven't seen in 4 years because of a quarrel my family has been having. It's pretty much died down, and this encouraged it to die down.

But in any case, my uncle told me lots of disturbing information about white slavery, and that it's still being done today. And that someone like me would be worth 40,000 to sell. Instinctively, I flipped out. I couldn't stop crying, denying as hard as I could that Jordan could be that kind of person. He even looked about 23 in the picture I showed them.

In an attempt to make me feel better, my uncle took us (Adam, Me, and my Mom) to dinner. He also managed to get Mom an offer at a new job, and told her that he made it possible for her to use a better banking system. Still, I couldn't think well about anything until I talked to Jordan.

I soon snapped out of the idea that Jordan could be a predator, and IM'd him. Mom insisted that I told him my uncle would be joining us for dinner. He was of course insulted, but still agreed to come. All doubt vanished from my head at that moment, but we were both still very scared of what my uncle would do, and how Jordan's Mom would react to this. And so the day came, December 3rd, Thursday. I did my hair, put on the outfit I planned to wear since before the meeting's date changed, put on perfume, basically did all that I could. My Mom didn't let me put on make up though. She said I looked better without it. ...Lol. That's not true at all.

The car ride to Olive Garden, my body shook and my heart pounded. When I got there, Jordan was nowhere to be seen. It was 7:30, the time I told him I wanted to meet. I sat at the cafe with my uncle and mom, trying to calm myself, looking for Jordan and his Mom. A few minutes later, I saw Jordan's Mom walking out of the dining area, and Jordan with her.

Like I always wanted to do, I ran up and hugged Jordan. I hesitated a bit so that I wouldn't startle him.

"I told you six," Jordan said(That misunderstanding was cleared up later xD). I can't even describe how perfect his voice sounded not being muffled by a microphone.

He looked so much younger than he did in the pictures and he sounded younger too. I couldn't stop hugging him.
We held hands for the majority of the time during the date. He was adorable the whole time as well. And our families got along so perfectly (They talked about sports the whole time. xD). It was a perfect dinner, much more perfect than we expected. Mom didn't even feel the need to ask for ID. I was so relieved. I ordered a slice of white chocolate raspberry cheesecake for dessert, and shared it with Jordan. It was incredibly sweet, emotionally and physically.

At the end of the day, I so badly wanted to kiss him. But Mom didn't let me because I had just met Jordan. I followed Jordan out the door and held onto him as they walked to the car. Jordan had bought me a blanket. Because mine was ripped up and I needed a new one to stay warm for the winter. (I'm in it right now. c: ) And to the last minute I clung to Jordan until my Mom got mad at me saying we needed to go.

Then I waved goodbye, and when I got home, we messaged each other, still talking about how great the dinner was. It was great. :U

SO FUCKING GREAT. C: